The 2024 Ben Hecht 500: Part 1

Ranking every movie I saw in 2024, starting with #500-401- including 'Emilia Perez', 'Heretic,' and yes, 'I Slept With 100 Men in One Day'

Welcome to my annual year-end countdown of the year’s movies. No, I didn’t see them all, just most of them.

This is Part I, featuring numbers 500 to 401. Part II will arrive later today, with 400 to 301, with the next two on Thursday with the final 100 arriving on Friday. I published my list of the 40 worst on Monday.

Once again: If a film has a plausible claim as a 2024 release, it’s included. It’s movies that got 2024 releases and were part of 2024 awards campaigns, and also movies I saw at film festivals and through other early-access channels, which may not have releases set in 2024. There are also some movies I saw at festivals in 2023 and earlier, that finally came out this year. If something was part of an awards campaign in 2023 or earlier, that’s out, but otherwise… there will be some films that make both the 2023 and 2024 lists. Also, movies (usually documentaries) that are two parts, get included as “movies,” for this list’s purposes, but if they’re three or more parts, they don’t.

Here we go:

500. Y2K: The Movie

Dir. Kyle Mooney, in theaters now, review here.

Nostalgic comedy positing what would have happened if the Y2K problem had really happened. Surprisingly lacking in laughs.

499. The Kitchen

Dir. Kibwe Tavares and Daniel Kaluuya, streaming on Netflix.

Dystopian sci-fi drama, set in London. Never really gets going at any point.

498. Wolfs

Dir. Jon Watts, streaming on Apple TV+, review here.

Action comedy that reunites George Clooney and Brad Pitt. It’s shocking to me how this was, and what little splash it made.

497. Spaceman

Dir. Johan Renck, streaming on Netflix, review here.

Dour sci-fi drama with Adam Sandler in space with a talking creature. Like Interstellar, if it were silly and boring, while Sandler is so subdued that he’s barely acting at all.

496. Good One: A Show About Jokes

Dir. Eddie Schmidt, streaming on Peacock

Yet another documentary about comedy, and the life of comedians, led by Mike Birbiglia. There’s an outstanding movie this year called Good One, this isn’t that one.

495. Nutcrackers

Dir. David Gordon Green, streaming on Hulu, review here.

A holiday comedy, starring Ben Stiller as a yuppie redeemed by reconnecting with this orphaned nephew. This movie could have come out in 1987 and not felt out of place.

494. First Time Female Director

Dir. Chelsea Peretti, streaming on Roku Channel, review here.

Satire about a woman (Peretti, herself a first-time female director) hired to direct a theatrical production and finding herself in way over her head. This is one of those films that missed its moment by a year or two.

493. The Real Bros of Simi Valley: The Movie

Dir. Jimmy Tatro, streaming on Roku Channel.

Silly comedy, based on a streaming TV series that I had never watched before. The cast has some talented people, but I just wasn’t on this movie’s wavelength.

492. Tuesday

Dir. Daina O. Pusić, streaming on Max

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, doing a rare dramatic turn in a movie about terminal cancer. Well-acted, but the film’s central metaphor just doesn’t work.

491. Louder: The Soundtrack of Change

Dir. Kristi Jacobson, streaming on Max

A short-ish documentary about a biggish subject: Female musicians who fight for equality and change. Doesn’t exactly do the subject justice.

490. Damsel

Dir. Juan Carlos Fresnadillo, streaming on Netflix

Revisionist feminist take on damsel-in-distress stories, starring Millie Bobby Brown. Brown is a star, but with the movie itself, there’s no there there.

489. Larger Than Life: The Reign of the Boy Bands

Dir. Tamra Davis, streaming on Paramount+

Documentary about the boy band craze, most notably the Backstreet Boys/N Sync era in the late ‘90s. Not much beyond surface-level examination.

488. The Honey Trap: A True Story of Love, Lies, and the FBI

Dir. Chris Moukarbel, streaming on Hulu

Documentary about a German rapper who joined ISIS, and got an FBI translator to marry him. Fascinating as long as it focuses on that, but less successful when it branches out to bigger statements.

487. Cold Copy

Dir. Roxine Helberg, streaming on Netflix.

Forgettable Netflix movie about a female student journalist, corrupted by a more famous reporter. I’d love for there to be a great student journalism movie, but this isn’t it.

486. Humane

Dir. Caitlin Cronenberg, streaming on AMC+

Horror thriller about a wealthy family, within their home during a major crisis. Both not the best movie directed by Cronenberg offspring, or with this particular premise.

485. Smile 2

Dir. Parker Finn, streaming on Paramount+

The sequel to the horror hit, this time starring Naomi Scott as a pop star haunted by the smile curse. Scott is outstanding, but the premise has its limits.

484. A Family Affair

Dir. Richard LaGravenese, streaming on Netflix.

The other movie this year about Nicole Kidman having a scandalous relationship with a much younger man. Babygirl has stayed with me, but this has not.

483. Silver Haze

Dir. Sacha Polak, streaming on Tubi.

Stylish drama about a nurse who falls in love with a female patient. A festival film from 2023 that barely made a dent stateside in 2024.

482. Mufasa the Lion King

Dir. Barry Jenkins, opening December 20, review here.

Prequel to the remake of the Disney animated classic, giving us the backstory of Mustafa and Scar. Made me desperately wish for Jenkins to start making movies about humans again.

481. The Union

Dir. Julian Farino, streaming on Netflix.

The latest in an endless series of streaming action movies in which one of the characters becomes a spy but keeps it a secret from their family. It’s not to be confused with Union, a documentary this year that’s much better.

480. Majority Rules

Dir. A.J. Schnack, streaming on VOD, review here.

Documentary about ranked-choice voting and its implementation in Alaska. Much, much better as an exploration of Alaska’s colorful politics than it is as an examination of how ranked-choice voting.

479. MisInfonation- the Trump Faithful

Hosted by Donie O’Sullivan, not streaming, review here.

Spring CNN documentary, which is the umpteenth attempt over the last decade by a reporter to talk to Trump supporters and get their side of the story. Didn’t work this time either, although this will still be seen as the kind of thing CNN is too out-of-touch to do.

478. Lonely Planet

Dir. Susannah Grant, streaming on Netflix

Another older woman/younger man romance, this time with Laura Dern, Chris Hemsworth, and a pretty Morocco location. I would have guessed that I saw this eight or nine months ago, but it was only October.

477. The Bricklayer

Dir. Renny Harlin, streaming on Netflix

Action movie, from the back-from-Chinese-exile old pro Harlin, starring Aaron Eckhardt as CIA-agent-turned-bricklayer. When it comes to movies from early 2024 about a badass agent who has assumed a blue-collar profession, it’s no The Beekeeper.

476. IF

Dir. John Krasinski, streaming on Paramount+

Krasinski took some of that Quiet Place clout and used it to make a shockingly mawkish children’s movie. Nothing great here, but at least he’s not making those stupid “Some Good News” videos anymore.

475. The Greatest Hits

Dir. Ned Benson, streaming on Hulu

Morbid romcom in which a woman (Lucy Boynton) learns to go back in time to see her deceased boyfriend. At least it’s got the future Superman (David Corenswet.)

474. The Watchers

Dir. Ishana Night Shyamalan, streaming on Max, review here.

Directorial debut by the daughter of M. Night and starring Dakota Fanning. Starts out with a fascinating allegory, but then does about nothing with it.

473. The Lord of the Rings: The Lord of the Rohirrim

Dir. Kenji Kamiyama, in theaters now.

Animated prequel for the Lord of the Rings story. I didn’t think any LOTR project could be as boring as the Amazon show, but I was somehow wrong.

472. The Coffee Table

Dir. Caye Casas, streaming on Tubi.

Spanish black comedy horror film about a family with a new baby buying a coffee table, and something horrific happening afterwards. A creative idea, I admit, but I have trouble stomaching child endangerment.

471. The American Vice President: Rethinking a Political Afterthought

Dir. Michelle Ferrari, streaming on PBS

Documentary about the history of the vice presidency, clearly seen as relevant when it arrived not long before November. Much like the vice presidency, this doc is an afterthought.

470. The Devil’s Bath

Dir. Veronika Franz and Severin Fiala, streaming on AMC+

Speaking of baby endangerment… this German horror film got some positive buzz and even festival awards, but I just didn’t see the appeal.

469. Deadpool & Wolverine

Dir. Shawn Levy, streaming on Disney+, review here.

The biggest Marvel hit in years, and also a self-referential, nonstop tribute to corporate nonsense. It made way more money than the last few MCU films but still had most of their weaknesses.

468. Stopmotion

Dir. Robert Morgan, streaming on AMC+

British horror film about a stop motion animator who becomes obsessed with the movie she’s working on. Peculiar and not all that successful.

467. Scoop

Dir. Philip Martin, streaming on Netflix, review here.

British film, telling the story of how BBC journalists got an interview with Prince Andrew about his Epstein ties, one that pretty much ended his royal career. Sometimes the media story can be compelling, as in September 5, but I had trouble caring about this one.

466. Reagan

Dir. Sean McNamara, streaming on VOD, review here.

Biopic of the 40th president, starring Dennis Quaid, and very clearly aimed at Reagan superfans 70 and above. Almost a ridiculous level of playing the hits.

465. Ezra

Dir. Tony Goldwyn, streaming on Paramount+, review here.

Film about a father (Bobby Cannavale) who kidnaps his autistic son and drives him cross-country. Everything with the kid (William Fitzgerald) is great, but it’s a movie that tries to put us in a position to root for a guy who’s avoiding an Amber Alert.

464. The Bloody Hundredth

Dir. Mark Herzog and Laurent Bouzereau, streaming on Apple TV+

Documentary about the titular World War II fighting squadron, narrated by Tom Hanks. Inspiring story, but not much more than a commercial for Apple’s Masters of the Air show.

463. The First Omen

Dir. Arkasha Stevenson, streaming on Hulu

Prequel to the Omen franchise, one of the two movies this year (the other being Immaculate) in which the hero is a nun. A lot of people liked this one but I didn’t really get it.

462. Kung Fu Panda 4

Dir. Mike Mitchell, streaming on Peacock

The latest in the invention of Po, and the first new movie in the franchise in eight years. Some charming moments, but this franchise is getting long in the tooth.

461. Bitconned

Dir. Bryan Storkel, streaming on Netflix

Another Bitcoin documentary, although this one at least has a focus, on the Centra Tech scam. It’s being adapted into a podcast, which is strange because usually it’s the other way around.

460. Mother of the Bride

Dir. Mark Waters, streaming on Netflix.

No, despite the title, this is not a gender-reversed remake of Father of the Bride. Instead, it’s nearly the same plot as that movie a few years ago with George Clooney and Julia Roberts, with an ex-couple (Brooke Shields and Benjamin Bratt) reunited at a destination wedding.

459. The Coddling of the American Mind

Dir. Ted Balaker and Courtney Moorehead Balaker, streaming on VOD, review here.

Adapted from the popular book, it’s likely to be the most popular documentary of the year for people who read Bari Weiss’ The Free Press. Some solid points, but overall these arguments have all been made many times before elsewhere.

458. La Cocina

Dir. Alonso Ruizpalacios, not in theaters yet, review here.

Set in a Times Square kitchen and based on an old play called “The Kitchen,” this film resembles The Bear, only if it were more boring. There’s a decent scene here or there, but way too unfocused, and the outdoor scenes look nothing like Times Square or anywhere near it.

457. Sallywood

Dir. Xaque Gruber, not streaming yet.

Almost certainly an autobiographical comedy/drama about a young man who arrives in Hollywood and seeks to become the assistant of veteran actress Sally Kirkland. Not much of the Hollywood satire lands, although I did enjoy Kirkland’s joke about being mistaken for Sally Kellerman.

456. Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes

Dir. Wes Ball, streaming on Hulu, review here.

I’m always out of step with the critical consensus on the modern Apes movies, and this one is no different. I found this one inert, and the first hour is deadly dull.

455. Call Me Country: Beyonce and Nashville’s Renaissance

Dir. David Givens, streaming on Max.

Sure, it’s mostly a commercial for Beyonce’s country album. But it also provides a worthwhile history of Black performers in the country genre.

454. Seeking Mavis Bacon

Dir. Jazmin Jones, streaming on VOD

Documentary examination of the cover model from the typing tutorial. The journey is compelling, but it’s like one of those investigative podcasts that throws up its hands and gives up without a resolution.

453. 13 Days in Ferguson

Dir. Deborah Riley Draper, streaming on Paramount+.

Produced for CBS News, a tenth-anniversary re-examination of the killing of Michael Brown and the Ferguson riots. Looks back at those events from all sides.

452. I’m Just Here for the Riot

Dir. Asia Youngman, Kathleen Jayme, streaming on Disney+, review here.

An ESPN 30 for 30 about the riots that followed the Vancouver Canucks’ Stanley Cup Finals loss in 2011. A bit of a disappointment, since it couldn’t decide if the riots were the equivalent of January 6, or if the rioters were just misunderstood.

451. The Fire Inside

Dir. Rachel Morrison, coming to theaters at Christmas

The directorial debut of the Oscar-winning cinematographer is a fairly cliched inspirational sports movie about Olympic boxer Claressa "T-Rex" Shields. Nothing special, although Brian Tyree Henry impresses as her coach.

450. Wild Wild Space

Dir. Ross Kauffman, streaming on Max

Documentary about the new, privatized space race, among rocket and satellite companies. Some interesting characters, but I feel like these billions could be better spent on Earth.